I was..

I was the nice guy that everybody liked and everyone could consider a friend… I was that old fashoned "good guy" you could say. The girls liked me, but none of them ever "liked" me. I was the guy all the girls wanted to marry, but not date. Wanted a guy like me in the end, but not hang out with in the begining… Its the curse of the nice guy, and I was fine all though out HS.
Then came the girl I really cared about and you could say- loved. It worked for about 5 months. Its not bad considering the circumstances. Well- Then came that day… And the good guy that had opened up got crushed. It was the curse of the good guy. She "loved" me but grew bored of me and "lost" that feeling for me. I promised I wouldnt change, that Id still be the same nice guy i always had been and in return she made a few promises too. It sounded like a deal when it happend that was too good to be true. And like all things that are too good to be true- They are.
The agreement lasted a few weeks, maybe, and for lack of a better term.. everything the good guy was promised by his "love" turned out to be well… lies.
The affect it had on the good guy was amazing. Through all the stuff the two had been through hadnt affected him like this final blow did.
The young man reconed… well if being the 100% old fashoned good guy got him no where… then he had to change. Why keep repeating the same experiment hopeing for a different result right? Change was inevitable. The young man decided to become more outgoing and instead of trying to please everyone (even the people that merely took him for granted) he decided to only be that good guy for the people he really cared about and would do the same for him and if the moochers and gold diggers didnt like it… well… Fuck em! No point in trying to please those that dont care about him. It was the attitude adjustment he had been looking for. Prodominantly nice guy but with a twist of attitude and confidence. This change, though losing the one he thought he "loved", was for the better.

You wonder why people change… Its a cause and effect in a way. People dont change without a reason… Happiness, Fear, Desperation, and Anger are just a few examples of why people change and are the way they are. Anger fueled the young mans change. What fuels yours?

View of the Greater Plan

Okay, so to start off- Ive been listening to a George Carlin record and in one of his rants he brought up God's greater plan. Now dont get me wrong- Im not God bashing. Im just going to ask a question. So as I understand it- God loves all people. People however, in this life need to learn lessons. Is it possible that God, who loves us, would give people a different point of view. It seems to me that many churchs preach one point of view- their point of view and thats the main differences between churches anyway. But can god take an individual and instill in him (or her) a different point of view that doesnt go along with any one chuches view? Certian things have happend in the past 36 hours that have really made me wonder this. Its not the first time Ive wondered if maybe there's a reason Im not a church goer and dont believe many of the things.
You can be mad at me- but for as long as I can remember Ive always seen going to church a waste of time especially if you live the way its loosly discribed in the bible, which I believe I have, though some of you may disagree. I go on the big events- christmas and easter and anytime that the church elders call upon me- I help anyway I can.
Ive tried to see things the way other people do. Being a Lutheran growing up, dating Chasity and going to church with her, and talking with Tony and his family about the Mormon religion, I just never saw and dont see things the same way. Its not that I dont want too, Its that that I cant.
The closest I feel Ive ever gotten to understanding a religion is when I would sit in on Caldwell High Schools USC (united students of christ) meetings during info period my junior year. Thats when my life was by far the worst for so many reasons and the USC gave me support and really helped me get through that time in my life, but that wasnt really a religion- that was something else.

This is what I feel- take it or leave it
I feel that God for some reason has lead me down a different trail thats not far off the well travelled path, but different none the less because he wanted to protect me and to open my eyes. My church lied to me- they said and taught one thing and then did the exact opposite and even turned on one of its most faithful servents because he didnt want to lie about who he was. It destroyed the church as I knew it. And what was worse… It destroyed my trust in that faith and like a bad break up, Im not ready to place my trust in another organized religion just yet and I wont if I think Im going to be hurt again. 
So why did god allow this to happen? Simple. Its part of his greater plan. I have a different view of the greater plan.

Qwick Wright 2.something or other

Since Ive left you Ive found my balls
When i was with you I was a wattered down soul
If id stayed I probably would have drowned
But Im my own man now

A work in progress…

I know who I am and Im not who I was
I know Ive fallen from grace
But Ive fallen straight into your arms
And its you who's kept me safe.

No matter what Ive been through
you've always been there for me
And as long as Im with you-
I wouldnt want it any other way

So called Summer plans

My summer is rappidly approching and I think I know what Im going to do this summer
*Getting a job- I want to work most of the summer to save money up for when the school year hits and Im working less time/less dependable jobs again.
*Fix up my Van- Ive already got plans set up and everything. Im redesigning the whole inside of the van. I should be able to hold more people safely and give more room and storage as well.
*300 Lbs- thats the mark Ive set to hit by the end of summer, Im going scale back down to 300. Ive got a trainer approved plan where Im doing cardio for 30 mins everyday and 30 mins of weights (alternating between upper and lower body) everyday for a work out and just eating healthy as well.
Between work and working out and overhaulling my van, if I have any time left I hope to fall in love again, but if not- oh well.
These are my so called- summer plans

Fruitland HS

Its no secret, but its not openly publicised, but my father turned in his application for the Fruitland HS principle job. He says he's doing it just to gain experience of the application process, but I think he'd be more than happy to step away from the band teaching after 26 years and become a principle. I was surprised when I looked at my dads Application and if he were applying to be a principle for an "arts school" or "arts charter school" he'd be right there towards the top of the canidates list I believe. I think this job would be great for his next big challenge. The location is right- a small town school with a strong band program and in an area he could almost consider his "hometown" seeing as he grew up on the other side of the river in Payette. Im excited for my dad. I have mixed feelings about him to possibly leaving CHS, where he's been for the past 21 years, but if they want him for the job, Im fully behind him. I cant imagine what the school would be like with two music masterminds in my dad and Mr. Joel Williams, It would make for quite a few things interesting, Im excited for my dad.

No title just yet

I never said I would wait forever
We both knew this day would come
Im not a church-goer but Im a believer
I know where I'll be when its all said and done

I look at her and I see everything I saw in you
The intoxicating smile that's a drug
The beautiful eyes that burned fire too
I guess Im just bitten by the love bug its true

Shes Funny, Polite, and Dynamically Controversial
But she's smart and beautiful above all
I think Im finally ready to step back into the ring
I'll either strike out or be the home run king

Im good-

Wow, Im good. So much just happend so fast I cant believe it. WoW! What am I doing? This is crazy. Holy… Cow! Im excited! Yes!! No!! Maybe!! Gaaaahhhhhh! Im happy. My life is a good mess right now and Im happy.